Sunday, May 9, 2010
Back from the Abyss
"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."
- Honore de Balzac
As I am writing this note, I am thinking about the past sixteen years and the other things I have written to you for this day. Some years, this day has been blissful and happy; others could have best been described as 'rough.'
I feel that the quote above is a sort of embodiment of our relationship. We've been to the bottom of that abyss and back, mom. And we made it. I know that I am stubborn, unyielding, opinionated, and seemingly do not possess the ability to keep my mouth shut. Thank you, thank you so much for putting up with that. Right now, I am filled with such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for your existence. I exist because you do. My very life is a monument to your untiring efforts, your never-ending thoughtfulness, your tender love.
When I started looking for pictures of you (I only hope you'll forgive me for rummaging around -- I swear I put everything back), I thought that the only 'stylish' pictures I'd find of you were ones from before I was born. I could not have been more mistaken. You knew how to dress and looking at these gorgeous pictures takes my breath away.
You are beautiful, mom, and your beautiful is an extraordinary of its kind. You were ( and are) so cool, mama. Seriously. You are showing me up. I am so, so lucky to share DNA with you. Except for the Gesmundo chubby cheeks. But you know how I feel about those. I love you. And I will miss you when I go off to college in the fall.
There, I said it.
With all my love,
This postscript is dedicated to my grandmother, Owa, who is the most generous and giving person I know. You have always been crazy stylish and I'm eternally grateful that you've passed that down. You're my inspiration for so many of things that I do, including learning how to play mah-jong. I love you so much, Owa, and I miss you!